I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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