I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
