I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
