Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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