You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
