just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
