fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
