So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
