I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
