Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
