Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
