I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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