it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
