Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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