you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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