glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
