if you like me you must not know who I am
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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