I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
