thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
