someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
