believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
