He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
