Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
