im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
