he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
