Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
