hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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