so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
