your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
