Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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