are you still at the devil's house?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
