i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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