I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
