So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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