upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
