All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
