the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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