i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
