sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
