I got chris browned last night
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
