I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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