I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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