I seem to have left my pride at pride
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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