I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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