So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
