i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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