What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
