i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
