Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
