i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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