it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
