I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
